Sexuality and sexual education
Sexuality is an integral part of who we are, what we believe, what we feel, and how we respond to others. It is a healthy and positive aspect of being human. There are multiple areas of sexuality:
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Physical - body parts, sex, intimacy, sexual experiences
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Identity - gender, gender roles, sexual orientation
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Emotional - body image and self-esteem; sexual thoughts, fantasies, and ideas; attitudes and beliefs; and relationships
Sexuality education should address a variety of topics including:
Unfortunately, if your loved one with Down syndrome received sexuality education at school, it may not have been the most helpful to them. This may be because it was not taught in a format that they best understand and/or it did not include resources that you, as the caregiver, could use to reinforce the knowledge at home. Additionally, school systems are not able to instill values about sexuality in their teaching, which you can at home!
Talking about these topics may seem scary, but I know you can do it! You already have when you talked about the concepts of private body parts when they were little, planned or play date, or helped your daughter with her first period. In the rest of this article, I will share tips for educating your loved one with Down syndrome about sexuality topics.
Prepare for the conversation
Before having conversations about sexuality, first acknowledge your own attitudes about sexuality and disability and identify the values you want to communicate to your loved one with Down syndrome. If you are unfamiliar with sexuality topics, I cover them in greater detail in this webinar. There are also many Sexuality Resources from other organizations that you can use to make sure you share accurate, understandable, timely, and relevant information.
Start the conversation
Please do not wait for your child to come to you with questions. While it may seem uncomfortable to initiate the conversation, it is important for you to take the lead because your loved one may not know what to ask. If you aren’t sure where to start, begin with the most immediate need.
Consider learning styles
When sharing information, it is important to teach how your loved one learns best. For many individuals with Down syndrome, this would include using visual supports and simple language. Our Resource Library has a variety of visual supports for different sexuality topics. You can use these visuals to gauge what your loved one knows and understands as well as to teach new information.
Provide practice opportunities
Opportunities to practice may include role play and using the teachable moment. The teachable moment is a non-threatening way to address a variety of sexuality topics. For instance, a sibling has just announced they are getting married. You can talk to your loved one about what that means and see if that is something they are interested in doing in the future. Allow them time to process and ask questions. They may not have any questions at that moment but tell them they can ask you if they think of something later. If they ask a question in the future, prioritize answering the question in the moment or at the next appropriate time.
Teach by example
Be a good role model. If you are talking to your loved one about privacy and consent, make sure to knock on their door and wait for permission before entering or ask their permission before assisting with intimate self-care.
Use a planful approach
It is also important to be planful when addressing sexuality education. In being planful, you take the initiative and use the opportunity to teach instead of punishing or scolding. This helps to create a positive learning experience and facilitate understanding. For instance, if your son is caught touching his private parts, you do not yell at him and take away his phone. Instead, you would teach or remind about the concept of privacy and that touching himself is a private act that should be done in a private place like the bathroom. Use visual supports to help facilitate understanding and perhaps provide a reminder if you see him begin to do it to go to his bedroom or bathroom.
Conclusion
While this may all seem scary at first, once you begin you may realize it is easier than you once thought. None of these conversations will only happen once. Just as your loved one learned other skills, these too will require repetition and practice. A list of the resources shared throughout the article is available below. For additional questions, you can submit a question using our Contact Form.